I write. A lot of the things I write are silly stories a five year old could put together and yet, I write. It puts me in my happy place. Even if I am outraged about what I’m writing, it makes me happy. It empties my constantly filled mind that prevents me from sleeping at night due to endless thoughts. These endless thoughts frustrate me so I yell ‘shut up’ endlessly and then I can’t sleep due to the fact that all I hear in my head is the phrase ‘shut up’ and countless variations of it. Before you read on, I’d like to forewarn you that I ramble a lot and plenty of the things I say only make sense in my head most of the time.
Back to the fact that I write…. Countless people have told me (many have actually nagged) that I should share my writing. More specifically, the novel I began writing a while back or countless articles I write for my own amusement. See, a lot of people are able to eloquently voice their thoughts and opinions instantly by spitting it out. A lot of them usually have ridiculous opinions, but that is beside the point. I usually can’t do that. My brain doesn’t work that way. The words that come out of my mouth sound hesitant, as if my mind isn’t sure they should be said. It may be due to fear of judgement, lack of confidence, or uncertainty of how intelligent it sounds. Personally, I blame it on how socially awkward I am, which may be a completely separate analysis of my psyche. Nonetheless, my thoughts and opinions are strong, knowledgeable, and passionate in my head but for me to share them properly it must be done from my mind to my hand to pen and paper. I made attempts at starting blogs, began pieces for newsletters, and even pondered the idea of getting that potential novel published. Attempt being the key word here, because as with most things I have started, I didn’t go through with them.
Writing is my passion so why am I not getting it out there? It’s time I owned up to it, ignored the constant bickering in my head that is always telling me: “No one cares what you have to say. No one is going to read your crap. And you’re not even good”. Because here’s the thing: I no longer care if no one cares for what I have to say, nor do I care if anyone reads my crap. And if I’m not even good then forget that too. I think I’m alright, I enjoy it, and I’ll do it. As Ed Sheeran says, “I can’t tell you the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everyone”. Because I know I’m not alone when I say that there are many things that I do/don’t do and look back at later thinking, “I need a time machine”. But who needs that? Pondering on what could have been. Of course, sharing my writing is a tiny peck in a much bigger picture, but it is still a start. And sometimes all we need is a little start. As that known saying goes, “don’t look back, you’re not going that way”. And if somewhere along the way I decide that I don’t love writing anymore, that’s ok too. I’ll have another passion. That’s all that matters ultimately, right? Do what you love; whatever it is that puts a sparkle in your eye because that is what you’re passionate for from the depths of your soul. Your passions matter. Your voice matters. YOU matter.
– Julie I.