Originally posted on
I was thirteen when someone very close and dear to me was ready to give up – ready to leave behind their whole life and not wake for another day. Here we are seven years later and I remember this day vividly, like it was yesterday. It was a traumatizing and painful experience but what pains me today the most is my reaction to it. My anger and disgust towards her. How could she possibly be so selfish to leave just like that? How could she be so stupid to think that this would solve everything? How could she do this to me and everyone that loves her? Why would she even do this? Nothing made sense. Nothing.
I wish I could say that when by some miracle she made it because she was found and brought in on time, that I felt joy and relief. That my heart was filled with love and happiness and that all anger was gone. I wish I could say that I understood. I wish I could say that I ran up to her with open arms and a smile, held her hand and told her it was all going to be ok – that she had my love and support unconditionally. I wish I could say that why she did what she did made even a little bit of sense to me. But I can’t say any of that.
Most of all, I wish I could say I knew it was depression and I understood that she was sick and I could not blame her for this. But when you’re thirteen, the ignorance of your teenage years doesn’t always allow you to think about others. And all I thought about was how could she have put me through that. For years I was upset. Years. And then one day I turned around and became an advocate for mental health. Because finally, I understood.
So to all those suffering from a mental illness, this is for you.